god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
