after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
