I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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