We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
