so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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