I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
