I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize