nut hugger
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
