Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
