You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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