i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
