U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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