my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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