glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
