I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
