dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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