i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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