try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
