Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize