I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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