i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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