idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
