I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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