Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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