I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And then he peed in my hair
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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