just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
