We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
