It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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