It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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