He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
