I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
