My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
