Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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