There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Please, let me fuck your mom
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
