Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
