I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
