i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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