Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize