she kept yelling 'call me bella'
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
did i walk over a car last night?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
