You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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