he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
