words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
