i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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