All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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