What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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