I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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