she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
