I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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