Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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