WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
