You're so nebulous sometimes
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
