No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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