why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
