yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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