I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
