You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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