you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
