My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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