life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
