There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize