clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
