I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
