I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My life is pants optional.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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