OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
