Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
