Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
