is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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