First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
