His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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