Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you had me at cake vodka
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
