Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
