Girls should come with a carfax report
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
