i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize