I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
