this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
