sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
