This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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