I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
