Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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