in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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