just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
