I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize