Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
