i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
