Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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