Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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