How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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