We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize