you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
