WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
