After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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