Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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