The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
