google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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