It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
