so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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