your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
