it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize