i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
