pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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