you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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