p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
