He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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