Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
