Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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