batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
nutella sex= disaster
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
