Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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