As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
