i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize