my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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