I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
