I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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