so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I am available for nakedness
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
