its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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